I Miss My Friend
by Madame Spooky
Summary: Final part up. I couldn't help myself here. There'll be a sequel,trust me.
1. Default Chapter

Title: I Miss My Friend Author: Madame Spooky Category/Genre: Character Death. Rating: PG-13 (Scully's mouth) Spoilers: None. Feedback: YOU BETTER! =) Send it to: AnJo323@aol.com Summary: This is a SONGFIC. It's based on the idea that Mulder is dead, and Scully is left alone. This is before they ever became involved. RIGHT before. We're talking just about to make UST into RST, and then BANG. Disclaimer: I don't own them, Chris and FOX own them. I'm not making money, so please refrain from the lawsuit. WARNING: Shipper friendly. This story requires a box of tissues if you are the type who cries easily. Also, if you've never heard the song "I Miss My Friend" I suggest you download an MP3 of it. The story will be more.effective to those who have listened to it or are listening to it as we speak. Enjoy!  
  
~*I MISS MY FRIEND*~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Scully was already an emotional wreck and the funeral wasn't even over. In fact, it hadn't gotten to the hardest part. The eulogy. The one she was expected to give in less than three minutes. The one for Mulder. God, she didn't believe it even now, after seeing him in the coffin. It wouldn't sink in. It wouldn't settle. Her brain wouldn't let the thought process totally. Mulder. Is. Dead. She still half expected him to jump out of the coffin and yell "GOTCHA!". Then she would slap him, scream at him for being such a jackass, and then get herself permanently attached to him by plastic surgery. Or skip the being mad and just jump on him, wrap her arms around his neck and never let go again. Anything but this. She thanked herself mentally for having memorized him a long time ago. She could never forget him now, even if she tried. His face, his skin, his lips.Oh his lips. Those brown eyes, and the way they use to light up when he heard the word "Supernatural". The way he smiled at her when she said something she hoped he would find funny, even if it was just to humor her. The way he stood by her all the time. The way he smelled. How he use to stand so close but never touch her. The sound of him cracking sunflower seed shells with his teeth. She felt two hot tears fall from her eyes before she knew she was crying. Use to. She would never hear that again. Never smell him. Never see. Her breath caught in her throat as it constricted and blocked her rational thought. Never see Mulder again. Never look into his eyes, never debunk his theories, never see him. She wondered how she would get through this eulogy when she could barely make it through the funeral itself. "Now, I would like to ask Dana Scully to please step forward and say a few words." Oh Jesus, here it comes. The final goodbye. The last time she'd ever see him. She swallowed hard, taking a deep breath and forcing herself to stand. Her body was numb, or so it seemed, as she took those few steps to the podium. She couldn't believe she was here. Speaking at Mulder's funeral. She kept praying she'd wake up. She cleared her throat silently before she spoke. "Through the past six years of our lives, Mulder and I became very close. He was one of the best friends I've ever had. He's touched everyone around him very deeply, including myself. He never let me give up." She had to swallow again before she could continue. ".Never let me give up on myself. Only a year ago, when the X-Files where closed, I was ready to walk out. He told me that I needed to be strong. He said I was his only friend, and that I owed him nothing. I never.I never got the chance to tell him this, but I owe him everything." Her voice caught at the last word, and tears began to flow freely down her cheeks. "He was my best friend, the person I could turn to about almost everything in my life. Everything but the one thing that meant the most to me. I never got the chance to tell Mulder how much he meant to me. How clear he made everything seem sometimes, and how much of a lifeline he's been to me. I never thought I'd be standing here. I always thought there would be tomorrow. Another day to tell him.Now I know that I was wrong. There where so many things left unsaid. I wrote him a letter, which I'll now read to you." She cleared her throat and opened another piece of paper. "Fox, I hope, some day, you can forgive me for never telling you what you needed to hear. I've never told you how much you've meant to me, or how lucky I was to be assigned to the X-Files six years ago. At first, I thought it was going to be just some scam and debunking project, and you proved me wrong. You taught me that friendship is the most important thing in someone's life. You taught me how to trust." She wondered if she could read the rest with Skinner, and almost everyone else from the FBI, in the audience. Damn them. This was important. "You taught me how to love. Mulder.I never once told you how much I looked forward to coming to work every day, in hopes that I would be able to see you for just one minute. I never said to you, "Thank you", for showing me what it means to care about someone more than you've ever cared about anything in your life. I never said I was sorry for hiding my feelings because I thought that it mattered to everyone else. I didn't say how much I needed to have you around me. I never told you how much space you've filled in my empty heart. I never told you that I hated going home, because it wasn't to you." By now, she was near sobbing, trying to get the words out, needing him to hear them one way or another. She could never tell him face to face. And now she hated herself for waiting so long. "Fox, I've come here today to tell you goodbye. Wherever you are, Fox, save a space for me. If I could change anything in the past six years, it would be to tell you this sooner. I'm sorry I waited so long. Love always, Dana" She closed the letter and turned, looking at a lifeless Mulder laying in the coffin. Her chest filled with pain, her breathing hitching as she sobbed. "I love you, Mulder.I love you." She felt arms around her, and her mothers voice trying to calm her down. Before she knew it, she was seated again, crying on her mothers shoulder.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Dana Scully's Apartment That night  
  
She had told her mother she wanted to be alone that night. Who could blame her? After the funeral and burial (she'd tossed a dozen roses into Mulder's grave), Skinner had come up to her. He looked like he was crying, and told her he was sorry. None of it mattered anymore. She'd told Mulder what she'd gone to tell him. She couldn't eat anything. Her body was rejecting it's normal sequence of things as she laid on her couch, numb again to everything around her. Her eyes where fixed on the T.V., but it wasn't turned on. She was pale. Had anyone walked in at that moment, they would think she where dead as well. She felt dead. The radio was playing. She didn't remember turning it on. Hell, she didn't even remember laying down on the couch, but here she was. She looked to the bottle in her hands. Captain Morgan was keeping her company tonight. The bottle was almost empty now, the last inch warm and foul. She sat it on the floor and rested back into the couch. Was that her third or fourth? She couldn't remember. She listened to the soft music play through the air from the radio. As she did, her head buried into her hands and she began to sob again. The realization sank in at that exact moment. Mulder.is.gone.forever. The comforter around her provided no warmth for the ice crystals that pierced her heart at that moment. No comfort, for that matter. Her body felt heavy, and the pillow under her head did little to stop the pain of realization that kept washing over her. Mulder. Dead. Mulder. Dead. It was like a bad movie, playing over and over in her mind, not letting go. She wouldn't be able to call him and tell him she was hurting. She wouldn't be able to go to his house and sit in his arms and hear him say it would be alright. The song on the radio caught her ear. It made the pain worse, but it released so many tears and unresolved feelings. She listened as she cried.  
  
I miss the look Of surrender in your eyes The way your soft brown hair would fall I miss the power Of your kiss when we make love Oh but baby most of all I miss my friend The one my heart and soul confided in The one I felt the safest with The one who knew just what to say To make me laugh again Who let the light back in I miss my friend I miss the colors That you brought into my life Your golden smile Those big brown eyes And I miss your gentle voice At lonely times like now Saying it'll be alright I miss my friend The one my heart and soul confided in The one I felt the safest with The one who knew just what to say To make me laugh again Who let the light back in I miss my friend I miss those times I miss those nights I even miss our silly fights The making up The morning talks And those late afternoon walks I miss my friend The one my heart and soul confided in The one I felt the safest with The one who knew just what to say To make me laugh again Who let the light back in I miss my friend I miss my friend She closed her eyes tightly, and as she cried herself to sleep, her last waking thought was- ~Mulder, I love you. I miss my friend.~  
  
~FIN ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Hope you like it. I got the idea as soon as I heard this song on the radio (and started crying, just like the sap that I am.) Please, PLEASE let me know what you think. It's my first fic, let alone my first attempt at character death. Thank you all for reading=)  
  
~Madame Spooky~ AnJo323@aol.com  
  
NOTE: I truly suggest you all find this song somehow, and listen to it either after reading this (which is obviously the case if you're reading THIS right now) or during your reading. It makes a lot of difference if you're listening to it while you read it, even before its lyrics are put in the story. 


	2. Not A Day Goes By-Part Two

Title: Not A Day Goes By-Second part of I Miss My Friend Author: Madame Spooky Feedback: I'd love it! Either post a review or use the email addy AnJo323@aol.com Genre: Character Death, Angst, Kind of MSR but not. SONGFIC (again). Rating: PG-13 Spoilers: Detour, kind of. Disclaimer: Don't own them, don't sue me! =) WARNING: About the same as the other. If you've heard this song before, you'll need more tissues than those who haven't. Or maybe not. We'll see, hope you like! ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* A year after Mulder's death.  
  
Scully was swamped. And today more than usual, she didn't feel like working. It had been a year ago today that she'd lost him. She sat at his old desk, thinking of him like she always had. But this was different, it had changed somehow. She couldn't go through the day without thinking of him. She sighed, and sat back in the chair. After all this time, it still smelled like him. She cracked the sunflower seed between her teeth, spitting out the shell to the floor. It was almost funny how she use to nitpick at Mulder for eating them, and here she was, thinking they weren't so bad after all. She still didn't believe. Not totally. But she figured she never would. Out of everything he expected her to believe- aliens, UFOs, monsters under the bed -this one was the most difficult. Outside, the rain began to fall lightly. It was almost as if they knew why she'd marked this day on her calendar. It didn't matter in the least, she was still going to visit his grave. It was almost five. She was free. "Thank GOD." She mumbled to herself, standing and grabbing her coat, glancing at Mulder's 'I WANT TO BELIEVE' poster. All of his belongings had taken their place in her apartment in the last year. Even his clothes, which to her relief, no one had noticed she'd worn. Like today. She was wearing one of his white shirts, which looked a lot like one of her own. She shook the thoughts out of her head and walked out of the office, locking the door behind her. She half-mindedly said goodnight to Skinner as she passed him, and was thankful no one stopped her on the way to her car. Before she knew it, she was on her way to Georgetown, to visit Mulder. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* She took her work jacket off, laying it on the passenger side of the car before turning off the ignition and shoving the keys inside her pocket. It took her a couple deep breaths, and a lot of courage, to finally open the car door and step out into the rain. It felt good against her skin, although she would curse at herself later for wearing a white shirt in the rain. She deftly walked past the rows of tombstones, her eyes fixed on the one in the left corner. She hesitated before placing her hand on the cool granite. Her eyes traveled over the words. The epitaph she'd written. And it hurt. 'FOX MULDER' 'WE'VE ALWAYS BELIEVED.' She closed her eyes before speaking to him. "Mulder.You know I don't believe in the afterlife. Not completely. But I believe you can hear me. In fact, I know you can. I still can't believe that you're really gone. Sometimes, I wake up hearing the phone, and.It hurts when I realize it isn't ringing. That's not what I came here to say. I suppose even though now, it doesn't matter, you know my feelings towards you." To hell with Doctor Scully, she thought, this was Dana's time. "Mulder, you know I love you. I'm sorry I let myself get talked out of telling you when it really mattered. " It had stopped raining? Since when? She glanced up, and to the barely wet ground around her. Before she could stop herself, she was sitting on his grave. Her arm was still on the tombstone. "Fox.Why didn't you call me that night? Why did you have to go out alone?" Oh great. Now she was crying. She tried to stop the tears, but they where relentless, they kept flowing anyway. "You where there for me, to save me, more times than I can count. And I.I never had the chance to make it ok. I couldn't protect you." She lay her face against the cool stone, closing her eyes. "I'm sorry I let you go.I should have went anyway, just to make sure you'd be safe. I'm so sorry." She felt the wind blow and caress her skin. Was it him? She'd like to think that. How had her beliefs changed so much over only one year? It seemed impossible. ~"Why don't you sing something."~ ~"No Mulder."~ ~"If you sing something I'll know you're awake."~ ~"You don't want me to sing, Mulder, I can't carry a tune."~ ~"It doesn't matter, just sing anything."~ Her soul crashed in on itself. Why did she have to go and remember that? Why did she even think about that at all? Maybe it was because that was when she knew she loved him. God it seemed like more than two years ago. It seemed like another lifetime. But why would she remember it now? She felt a chill run down her spine. The hairs on the back of her neck stood up, and her heart started beating faster. "Mulder?" She said, keeping her eyes closed, not wanting to break the spell. "Scully." Oh my God. She held her eyes closed for dear life. That voice. Her name sounded like the wind had said it, but she knew that voice. "Sing to me." Dear sweet Jesus in Heaven. She had to look. She couldn't take it anymore. Her eyes flew open and her head shot up from the tombstone. Empty. The graveyard was empty. Why wouldn't it be empty? She thought to herself. She'd really half expected to see him standing there, smiling at her. But she didn't. "It's ok Scully." Mother of all things sacred. She closed her eyes and lay her head back down on the tombstone. "Sing to me." She had to do it. She had to swallow her pride and sing. Even if she was just hearing things, or infact had gone insane, she had to sing. It was like a pull. A tug to do something that she wouldn't normally do. Kind of like the tug she felt in her heart when she realized she loved him. "Alright Mulder.I'll sing." She said to the wind. "Go for it, Scully." Jesus, it was almost like that night all over again. She imagined the tombstone where Mulder. Her hands where shaking. Why was she nervous? He'd heard her sing before. She opened her mouth and sang the first thing that came to her mind. "Got a picture of you I carry in my heart Close my eyes and see you When the world gets dark Got a memory of you I carry in my soul I wrap it close around me When the nights get cold If you ask me how I'm doing I'd say just fine But the truth is baby If you could read my mind Not a day goes by That I don't think of you After all this time You're still with me it's true Somehow you remain Locked so deep inside Baby, not a day goes by I still wait for the phone In the middle of the night Thinking you might call me If your dreams don't turn out right And it still amazes me That I lay here in the dark Wishing you where next to me With your head against my heart If you ask me how I'm doing I'd say just fine But the truth is baby If you could read my mind Not a day goes by That I don't think of you After all this time You're still with me it's true Somehow you remain Locked so deep inside Baby, not a day goes by Minutes turn to hours And hours to days Seems it's been forever That I felt this way Not a day goes by That I don't think of you After all this time You're still with me it's true Somehow you remain Locked so deep inside Baby, not a day goes by." She was crying too hard. This seemed impossible. Here she was, at Mulder's grave, singing to a voice she'd brought through by her own imagination. She was almost mad at herself until she realized the song was true. She tightened her closed eyes as she cried, wishing it where Mulder and not a cold stone. How could her arms ache to hold him so badly? How could her chest feel so empty now that he was gone? She didn't just want him back. She needed him. Almost more than she needed her own life. It hurt. GOD it hurt. She should have gone to see him that night. So many regrets. And now it was too late. As he watched her cry, he felt tears well up in his own eyes. How could he have done this to the one person he cared about? He wanted to protect her, and he was killing her. He shouldn't have spoken to her. He knew, he damn well KNEW that it would be painful. But something had driven him to speak to her. The same thing that drove him to try and comfort her now. "Shhh.Dana it's alright. I'm here. I'll always be here." It worked. She breathed out deeply, and then back in, getting herself together a little more. As he watched her cry, he made his choice. He would have to let her see him. ~FIN ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~* I know! I'm cruel! I brought a little of Mulder's belief into this story. The whole afterlife thing. Don't worry, there'll be a third part in this thing. Hope you like it=) Like I said, find that song. It's by LONESTAR, called "Not A Day Goes By". Thank you all for the great comments so far on the last part. I hope this one kept that going. ~Madame Spooky~ 


	3. Angel

~*~*Alright everyone, third part to this little thing. Thank you all for the great comments so far! *~*~  
  
Title: Angel Author: Madame Spooky Genre: MSR/Angst/Char. Death-SONGFIC Rating: PG-13 Summary: Scully realizes why seeing Mulder changes everything. Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue LOL. WARNING: I think you've read enough of the same thing. I'm pretty sure you've all heard the song this one is based on. I got this idea from City Of Angels.  
  
Scully was tired. It had been forever since she'd slept in her bed, and she couldn't see the point in sleeping on the couch again. His couch. Alright, so she could damn well see the point of it all. She already had her blankets and pillows propped on the couch, and she really didn't feel like dragging them back the hallway to her bedroom. Mostly because her muscles ached, but also because she's just lapsed into Psychopathic Schizophrenia back at the grave stone. Hear him? Oh yeah, that's a good way to convince people that you're getting over this. Sure, fine, whatever. She'd kept everything, including his clothes. Well, everything but what she couldn't fit. Which was only his waterbed. When had he gotten a waterbed anyway? She shook her thoughts away and settled back into the couch. He watched her from across the room. Was this a good time? Why was he hesitating? He walked across the hardwood floor, and approached her from behind. "Scully." he whispered. Her head shot forward and she looked around. He could see her chest rise and fall in the tempo of rapid breathing. "Scully it's alright." She knew at that moment she must be stark-raving mad. She could feel him. She felt his presence all around her, and she felt it when he slid his hands over her shoulders. "Mulder." She leaned her head back and it rested against something warm. His stomach. She was so happy to feel him, she didn't realize that the last year had happened at all. She forgot for those glorious few minutes that he was gone. She forgot everything but the feelings she had. He began to massage her shoulders, and placed a kiss on the top of her head. "Mulder, I love you." She whispered. "I love you too, Scully.I always have." She felt his kiss on her cheek, on her neck. Why couldn't she turn around? Why didn't she open her eyes? She could smell him for Christ sake. Turn around, Dana! But she didn't. Whatever this was, weather it be a dream or reality, she didn't want to break it. She did, however, turn her head and meet his lips. The kiss tasted so real, so familiar and warm, that she felt her heart breaking all over again. If this was a dream, it was cruel and unusual punishment. The kiss deepened as she lay back, resting her head on the couch, feeling his hand on her cheek. That's when she opened her eyes. Gone. Jesus he was gone! But she could still feel him right there. She reached out her hand and all at once she could see him again. Tears fell from her eyes as she pulled him towards her and felt his arms slide around her waist. Was this real? Shit, it better be. She felt him pull away, but kept her tight hold around his neck. "Stay here."  
  
"Scully I can't." He sounded, if possible, even more upset about it than she was. If this wasn't a dream, she thought, then she'd sure as hell start to believe. "Please, Mulder." "Ok, Scully." She moved forward on the couch, and he slid in behind her, putting his arm around her waist, and the other under her head. Her arms draped over his, her hands interlocked with his. She wanted this to be a dream. Mostly so she wouldn't have to kick the shit out of him for faking his own death. But then again, it was because she didn't want to know he was there, and not be able to tell anyone. Not be able to go anywhere with him and talk to him and, well, just about everything normal people do. Her eyes closed and she settled back into his embrace. The one thing she thought before she drifted off to sleep, was that she couldn't feel his breath on her neck. That radio was playing again. It seemed to let itself be heard when it was crucial. Did she ever turn it off? He didn't think so. He closed his eyes and listened to her breathing.  
  
Spend all your time waiting, for that second chance. For a break that would make it okay. There's always some reason, to feel not good enough. And it's hard at the end of the day. I need some distraction, oh beautiful release. Memories seep from my veins, and make me empty, oh and weightless and maybe I'll find some peace tonight. In the arms of the Angel. Fly away from here, from this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear. You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent revere. You're in the arms of the Angel. May you find some comfort here. So tired of a strait line, and everywhere you turn, there's vultures and thieves at your back. Storm keeps on twisting. Keep on building the lies, that you make up for all that you lack. It don't make no difference. Inescapable as time. It's easier to believe, in this sweet madness. All this glory and sadness that brings me to my knees. In the arms of the Angel. Fly away from here, from this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear. You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent revere. You're in the arms of the Angel, may you find some comfort here. You're in the arms of the Angel, may you find some comfort here. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Well, that's the third part. Don't worry, there's more to come. It brings a whole lot of WHY in the next part, so beware. Thank you all for the nice things you've said=) I hope you like the fourth part as much as the rest of this so far.  
  
~Madame Spooky~ 


	4. Dreaming In Triple

Well, I'm going to do this all in one shot. This is the fourth part of "I Miss My Friend" and it's called "Dreaming In Triple" This story is based on three, count them THREE songs. What can I say? I was inspired! Yes! Haha. Well, thank you all for the wonderful things you've been saying about my story. Sorry it's taken so long for the next part, but I had to find the right songs to get the emotion going for the actions in the story. I hope you like this one. Oh, and they don't belong to me. I'm just using them to bring up the popularity of Kleenex sales in the stores all over the world! =) This is rated PG-13. Not too shabby. Here we go. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*  
  
Scully's Office Washington, D.C. 12:34 PM (Two years after his death)  
  
'Yes it's my lunch break. Yes I'm still sitting here working. Or trying to, at least. I've been thinking. No, wait, don't run away. A joke, please laugh. Oh no, I'm asking a computer screen to laugh. If only M.No, I refuse to finish the thought. After all, what was it about moving on and overcoming what you're scared of? Oh yes, that was bullshit too. Right. So, on with what I was saying.'  
  
Scully clicked over to the report she was doing. Or suppose to be doing, whatever the case may be. And today it was a big one. She was suppose to be doing research on strange sightings. Yes, UFOs, but this was different. There where no known abductees to go along with them. Oh, and the fact that they where shaped like long, rectangular beams of light instead of oblong or ovular shaped discs. She didn't know what to say. What was she suppose to type? 'No, sorry but UFOs are discs.' Yeah, that would happen. She was actually awaiting the arrival of her new partner. John Doggett. She hated the name, but she knew that he once knew Mulder. This should be interesting indeed, she thought to herself as she noisily clicked back over to her computer journal.  
  
'Today I'm suppose to be meeting John Doggett. What a name. It's a lot worse than Mulder, which makes me mad. Anyone is a lot worse than Mulder. I've started to believe a little. Maybe some of what Mulder believed in actually made sense. I'll not be surprised if Agent Doggett thinks the same. Or if he doesn't.'  
  
Her concentration was broken by the sound of someone knocking on the door. She looked up from his -her- desk just in time to see a man walk through. "Agent Scully?" "Yes?" "I'm here to ask you a few questions." Well, she thought, this is unexpected. What the hell can I tell them? The man pulled a chair over to the other side of the desk, sitting down. "How can I help you, Mr." "Oh, forgive me. My name is Officer Kelsey, I'm here on behalf of Agent Mulder." Scully felt her blood start to boil. God, couldn't they just leave him a lone already? I mean Jesus Christ, she thought, he's been dead for two years, and the wounds aren't healed. Leave me alone God Damnit! She'd never say that out loud though, and forced a smile. "How can I help you, Officer Kelsey." Ouch. He noticed the sting in her voice, and the warning in her eyes just before it vanished back into hiding. This would be fun. "Well.How long would you say you knew Agent Mulder?" "Oh, I'd say about six and a half years, almost seven." "During that time, would you say that he was prone to leaving town a lot? Say, on business or otherwise, at random amounts of time?" "Yes.But he always called-" "I see. " "Excuse me, Officer Kelsey, but what is this about? He's been gone for two years now. Why can't you let him rest in peace?" "Well, Agent Scully, Assistant Director Skinner told us that you saw him." Her heart stopped, and then started. "I said I had a visitation. I never said I saw him." "But you claim he's-" "Look, what part of ghost don't you people understand? I may be insane for saying this, but God help me I saw Mulder's ghost in my apartment last year." The officer said nothing for a few moments. He looked almost amused. Oh great. Her and her big mouth. "Well, Agent Scully, I'm sorry for the interruption." You should be, she thought. Now get the hell out. "It's alright, Officer Kelsey." He left, and she decided where to go on her lunch break. Her apartment, to eat lunch in peace. Hell.She just might take the rest of the day off. Yes. That was exactly what she'd do. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~* Scully's Apartment Georgetown 1:02 PM  
  
Scully lay in the bathtub, thankful she'd chosen this option. She had put in one of her favorite CD's (the one that if anyone knew she owned, she would probably have to kill them) and laid back in the bubbly water, sighing. That had been about an hour ago. Now, the water was cool and the CD was on its last song. She really didn't want to get up. She was totally burnt out from work, and she'd finally decided to take some time to herself. The last thing she wanted to do was move. She closed her eyes and pictured Mulder, as she usually did when she relaxed. The thought of him still relaxed her, and it made her feel better knowing that she'd seen him when no one else would. It was something only for her, and deep down she knew it. She brought back everything she could, all at once. His smile, his eyes, him in general. His smell, his voice, his touch (albeit the brief encounters they'd had). But mostly his voice. She could imagine him singing this to her, like she'd always wanted to sing to him. This song, specifically. Had she even noticed this was the CD when she'd chosen it? Probably so, somewhere inside her mind. She relaxed even more, and could swear she felt him watching her as she listened to the words of the song.  
  
"Come to me now. Lay your hands over me. Even if it's a lie, say it will be alright, and I shall believe. Broken in two, I know you're on to me. That I only come home, when I'm so all alone, and I can believe. That not everything is gonna be the way you think it oughta be. It seems like everytime I try to make it right, it all comes down on me. Please say honestly you won't give up on me, and I shall believe. And I shall believe. Open the door. Show me your face tonight. I know it's true, no one heals me like you. You hold the key. Never again. Will I turn away from you. I'm so heavy tonight, but your love is alright, and I do believe. That not everything is gonna be the way you think it oughta be. It seems like everytime I try to make it right it all comes down on me. Please say honestly, you won't give up on me, and I shall believe. I shall believe. I shall believe. That not everything is gonna be the way you think it oughta be. It seems like everytime I try to make it right it all comes down on me. Please say honestly, you won't give up on me. And I shall believe. I shall believe. I shall believe. I shall believe. I shall believe. And I shall believe. Please say honestly, you won't give up on me.And I shall believe."  
  
The CD changer rotated as the song came to an end and she felt him again. She felt his hands on her shoulders, gently working the muscle into liquid, soothing her into deeper relaxation. "Mulder." she breathed, leaning her head back and feeling it come to rest on a warm shirt covered chest. The song that came on next startled her, but she remained as she was, with her eyes closed, breathing in Mulder's scent. If she was going mad, she couldn't think of a better way to lose her mind. Was he controlling this music right now? Surely this wasn't the next CD, nor the first song on this CD at all. She gave up on thinking as his lips brushed over her ear. It felt more like warm wind than lips. She knew she couldn't hold him, and she felt the ache in her arms to turn around and hang on for dear life. But she repressed it and paid attention to the song he obviously wanted her to hear.  
  
"So you walked with me for a while. Bared your naked soul. And you told me all your plans. How you would never let them go. In the morning of the night, you cried a long lost child. And I tried, oh I tried to hold you. But you where young, and you where wild. But I, I will never be the same. Oh I, I will never be the same. Caught in your eyes, lost in your name. I will never be the same. Secrets of your life, I never wanted for myself. But you guarded them like a lie, placed upon the highest shelf. In the morning of the night, when I woke to find you gone. I knew your distant devil must be dragging you along. But I, I will never be the same. Oh I, I will never be the same. Caught in your eyes, lost in your name. I will never be the same. You swore that you where bound for glory, and for wanting, you had no shame. But I loved you, then I lost you.And I will never be the same. Oh I, I will never be the same. Caught in your eyes, lost in your name.I will never be the same. I, I will never be the same. Caught in your eyes, lost in your name.I will never be the same."  
  
She felt him move then. His arms slid around her neck as his lips kissed her hair. This was a cruel, cruel thing for Heaven to do. She wondered if she turned, would he vanish like before. She prayed as she shifted and turned her head. Her breath caught in her throat and her eyes filled with salty tears. Her heart sped up ten times its normal rate, and she thought she would faint. Oh hell, she thought, or Heaven, don't let me faint. Her eyes locked with his. He hadn't vanished. He was still there. His deep eyes, the pupils expanded to block all color from them, locked with hers for the first time in what seemed like a lifetime. "Mulder." She cried. "Scully." His voice. His warmth. Had she truly thought that he wouldn't come back to haunt her? Yes, she had. And she had been wrong. "Mulder.There's something I need to ask you." Why was this so hard, facing him, ghost or no, when silently to herself it was so easy? "Ask me, Scully." He smiled. Oh Jesus, she thought, I've had it now. She didn't need to ask once he saw the look in her eyes. It matched his. She knew if this was a dream, it damn well better last for a while. At least until.Could she do it? She wasn't sure she was until she felt her lips against his. He tasted so sweet and calm under her lips. He tasted so real. It was cruel, damnit. Why COULDN'T it be real? She knew now what it was. She'd probably fallen asleep in the tub thinking of him. It didn't matter now, she didn't want to think herself into waking up. This was good. It was very good. In the back of her mind, the song playing now registered in her mind, and silent tears fell. It was true. So very true. As he lifted her into his arms and out of the tub, her skin soaking his clothing, she knew that this wouldn't be the last time she was visited. And she knew now that she believed.  
  
"Don't be afraid. Close your eyes. Lay it all down, don't you cry. Can't you see I'm going where I can see the sun rise? I've been talking to my Angel, and he said that it's alright. I've always had to run. I don't know just why. Desire slowly smoking under the eastern sky. There's something waiting out there, that says I've got to try. I've been talking to my Angel, and he said that it's alright. This town thinks I'm crazy. They just think I'm strange. Sometimes they want to own me, sometimes they wish I'd change. But I can feel the thunder, underneath my feet. I sold my soul for freedom. It's lonely but it's sweet. Don't be afraid, close your eyes. Lay it all down, don't you cry. Can't you see I'm going where I can see the sun rise? I've been talking to my Angel, and he said that it's alright." ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~* Well, hope you liked this one. It's kind of a more upbeat yet sad part of this story. There's a fifth, I'm warning you now haha. It shouldn't take me too long, I've got good inspiration behind it. Let me know what you think of this. Hope you enjoyed it! ~Madame Spooky~ 


	5. Comatose

Well, since you all like this so far, I'll keep right on going. Just like Energizer! Haha. Anyway, sorry it took a while to get this part out. It's a tad confusing and I tried to get it to the point where you could understand it. This explains pretty much everything. A little odd, I know, and yes, you may want to shoot me after this. But trust me.The ending is worth it. WARNING: THIS PART OF THE STORY TAKES PLACE BEFORE THE FIRST PART. IN OTHER WORDS, IT TAKES PLACE BEFORE THE FUNERAL. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~* "Not everything in this magical world is quite what it seems."-Nelly Furtado.~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The Saloon Phoenix, Arizona 3:45 AM, 1995 (Right before the new year)  
  
Scully sat at the grimy counter, waiting for her drink. She knew when it got there she'd simply let it sit and get warm. No chance in Hell she was putting her lips on anything out of this place. It not only looked run down, but the smell was enough to compel anyone to stay out. It was a large wooden bar, not very big at all. It was filled with smoke, mostly from stale cigars or in some cases marijuana. The bartender was old, in his late fifties by Scully's guess. And the bar looked as if it hadn't been cleaned in years. If it wasn't mandatory that Scully be here, she would most likely leave. Oh yes, and throw up in the parking lot. Scully knew she was suppose to be on the look-out for the suspect, but her mind was somewhere else. She'd been thinking about Mulder all night. It was a hopeless inner battle between what she knew was right, and what she felt was the right thing to do. After all, if he didn't feel the same.She tried not to think about that. Sure, there'd been hints. Hell, maybe even a blunt offer or two in the past, but she'd always disregarded it as just.Mulder. But now that she knew him, really knew him, she couldn't walk away. He'd told her he owed her everything. What was he trying to say in the hallway outside his apartment that day? Scully knew they'd almost kissed, and barely remembered getting stung by that African bee. The rest was a blur, coming to her in only snippets. Bits a pieces impossible to put together, let alone try to rationalize and figure out. Scully sighed. Everything was a mess, there was no denying it. So the X-Files where back open.But for how long? How long before she was sent off to somewhere else, never seeing Mulder again? The thought made her spirit sink, and as the bartender handed her the beer, she almost considered it. But she thought again as she remembered Mulder. He was watching her from outside, probably wondering why the hell she was staring strait ahead instead of looking around. Her gaze traveled to her hands as her nails picked at each other. She was bored, there was no doubt about that. The question was, what was she going to say to- "Scully! Get down!" She turned to the sound of a gunshot and people screaming. She felt a shattering pain in her chest. "Son of a bitch!" More gunshots. The pain increased as she fell to the floor, her eyes searching for answers. The bullet had knocked the wind right out of her, and she couldn't speak. Then she saw Mulder, cuffing the suspect who she'd assumed at that moment had shot her. He ran to her side. "Someone call an ambulance! We've got an Agent down!! Damnit, someone call 911!! Hurry!!" He fell to his knees and put a hand on her cheek. She was in pain. She'd never felt pain like this, although she had been shot before. This was so much more raw and pulsing, and she had no doubt the bullet had punctured something major. She felt the wet, thick blood covering her upper torso like a violent blanket. Her vision started to become blurry and she reached for his hand. She grasped it tightly in her own, her breathing irregular and quick. "Mu.Mulder." "Shhh.Scully, it's alright. Everything's gonna be ok, they've got an ambulance on the way." "What." She breathed out deeply. Why was talking taking so much effort? She got winded from one word. How the hell was she suppose to form a sentence? Thank God Mulder understood what she was trying to ask him. "Stevens got in here before I could warn you.God, Scully, I'm sorry." "Mulder.It's.It's ok." "No it isn't. I should have been in here with you." Scully closed her eyes, no longer able to see Mulder properly. Oh yeah, her vision was effected alright. Mulder was kneeling right beside her, and the only thing she could see was a huge blur of mixed color. God why did it hurt so much? She felt the salty tears slide down her temples. "Scully? Scully can you hear me?" Why did he sound so far away? So hollow and metallic? So distant.so.Her mind started to fade. Where her eyes open or closed? Why did she feel like she was spinning in circles? "Scully? Scully! Stay with me, Scully!" She felt her hand drop to the floor. The song playing in the back got louder and louder, until it was all she heard. "Catch your breath. Hit the wall. Scream out loud, as you start to crawl, back in your cage. The only place, where they will, leave you alone. Cause the weak will seek the weaker 'till they've broken them. Could you get it back again? Would it be the same? Fulfillment to their lack of strength at your expense. Left you with no defense. They tore it down. And I have felt the same, as you. I've felt the same, as you. I've felt the same. Locked inside, the only place, where you feel sheltered, where you feel safe. You lost yourself, in your search to find, something else, to hide behind. The fearful always preyed upon your confidence. Didn't they see the consequence? They pushed you around. The arrogant build kingdoms made of the different ones, breaking them until they've become, just another crown. And I have felt the same, as you. I've felt the same, as you. I've felt the same, as you. I've felt the same, as you. I've felt the same. Refuse to feel, anything at all. Refuse to slip. Refuse to fall. You can't be weak. You can't stand still. Watch your back, cause no one will. You don't know why you had to go this far. Traded your worth for these scars, for your only company. Don't believe the lies that they have told to you. Not one word was true. You're alright, you're alright, you're alright." The beat seemed to keep time with her heart. It was fading slowly, and she knew she was losing the battle between staying and going. She felt herself being lifted, carried away. She wasn't sure if it was only mental, or if the ambulance had gotten there. She wasn't too sure she wanted to know. She could hear a mixture of voices all around her, but she couldn't respond. She heard Mulder saying her name, but she couldn't say his back. Her breath was too shallow, she could barely breathe in. She felt the sting of a needle. She was almost able to register the oxygen mask around her mouth, but yet her eyes remained shut. She couldn't open them. It was as if the lids had been glued to her eyes, forcing them to stay shut, no matter how she tried to open them. But she wasn't trying anymore. She was far too tired to fight right now, and she felt so faint. She just wanted to sleep, but they where keeping her awake. She knew these symptoms, but her mind wouldn't work with her. It had gone on auto-shut down. She didn't feel them checking for a pulse, and she knew she'd gone numb. She must have lost a lot of blood laying there. How long had she been laying there? She heard the sound of buttons being ripped, and felt the tug as her shirt came off. What was happening to her? She was trying to remember what symptoms these where. Why wasn't her mind working? Why was her body.And then she remembered. Comatose. The fog took over her brain as she faded out completely. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~* Don't shoot! LOL. There's a reason for this, and it will be explained in the next part of the story. I hope you're all enjoying yourselves so far. I know I am.  
  
~Madame Spooky~ 


	6. Bad Dreams

Oh my God.Could it be? YES! The story is FINISHED! This is a little surprising, I know. Especially the end of this part. Don't shoot me for putting you through all this. But this is the best part of the story! This is the part where nothing is what it seems, and even the real show on FOX is made better by me! WARNING: VERY SHIPPER FRIENDLY. WILLIAM NEVER GIVEN UP, MULDER NEVER GONE INTO HIDDING DUE TO THE FACT THAT IN MY WORLD, HIS LIFE WAS NEVER IN DANGER. YOU'LL FIND OUT WHAT THIS MEANS AT THE END OF THIS STORY! ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*  
  
Washington Memorial Hospital Two months after the shooting 2:06 PM  
  
Mulder sat by her side all the time now. It wasn't easy, though. He and Bill had a few run-ins and of coarse Bill blamed him. Hell, he even blamed himself. But Mrs. Scully knew better than that. She knew how much Mulder cared for Scully, even if he'd never said it before. A few days ago the doctor had said the unimaginable. They would have to decide soon, and the situation wasn't getting better. Mulder knew if they pulled the plug on her, he wouldn't be able to live with himself. He'd already figured out he couldn't live without her, but to actually have to, well, that was another thing completely. Especially if he knew he could have prevented this whole thing. Bill was right. He was so right, despite the fact that Mulder had promised himself never to agree with him. How could he have done this to Scully? She was so pale. It hurt him all the time when he came in and nothing had changed, and today was the day HE of all people had to decide. They'd asked her mother, Bill, and just about everyone else who had come to see her that was related. They had all left it up to him, said it was too emotional. What the hell did they think it was for him? A walk in the park? He sighed and took her hand in his. How many times had he told her he loved her now? Only about a million. And was she awake? No. Yes, he'd hung onto the notion at first that she could hear him, and that that would be enough to make her wake up. But he'd lost that almost instantly. "Scully, please.If you're thinking anything right now, please let it be that you know how much I care about you. You saved me. As hard and as frustrating as it's been, your goddamn logic and rationalism have saved me a thousand times over. You kept me sane. You made me a whole person. I owe you everything Scully, and you owe me nothing." He felt the hot tears well in his eyes and he lowered his lips to her hand, kissing her warm, yet pale flesh. The guilt and pain he'd been forcing down came rushing back in that moment. As he spoke, his lips grazed over her hand, his breath shallow and ragged from the tears he was trying to hold back. "I don't want to do this alone. I don't even think that I can." There was a knock at the door, and Skinner walked in. He smiled sadly at Mulder. "We need your word, Mulder." Oh God, Mulder thought. He had everyone on Earth telling him it was hopeless. But he didn't want to let go. He wasn't ready. He felt a lump in his throat as it tightened. "I."  
  
"You know she isn't getting better. If she lives at all, it will most likely be in this state. Unless something astounding happens, Mulder, she isn't going to recover. Look, I know how hard this is for you. I'll-" "No! You don't!" He let go of her hand, standing and walking, now full of rage, towards Skinner. "You have no fucking clue how hard it is on me! I love this woman, and she'll never know it! I've been going insane because this is all my fault! I made her go with me on that stake out! I told her to! And she listened! Now she's laying here in a coma and it's all because of me! And now you want me to kill her?! You have no idea!" Oh fuck. What had he just said? What had he just told his boss, his fucking BOSS? Stupid! Mulder's eyes snapped open as he sat up on his couch. He should be with her right now, at the hospital. But God, he couldn't face her, even if she was in a coma. The gun he held in his hand looked very promising right now. The guilt he felt was overwhelming, and the pain took over as he placed the barrel of the gun to his temple. What was he doing? If she got better, she'd be alone. She wouldn't get better. The phone started to ring, but he ignored it. He closed his eyes, and pulled the trigger. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~* Scully's Apartment Present Day 2:54 AM  
  
Scully woke up in a cold sweat. What was the date? Right. Well, that was the strangest dream she'd ever had. Her in a coma, Mulder shooting himself. That was the part that chilled her the most. She reached for her phone and dialed Mulder's number. He called her all the time in the middle of the night, so why couldn't she return the favor? "Pick up, Mulder, pick up Mulder." "Hello?" He sounded tired and irritated. "Mulder, it's me." "Scully? What's wrong? Did something happen?" "No, no. I just.Ok this is stupid, I'm hanging up now." "No, wait. Just tell me, Scully. You wake me up in the middle of the night, out of breath, now either something happened or." his tone became playful ".OR, you've finally decided to hinder to my phonesex fantasy." "Knock it off, Mulder." "Then what is it, Scully?" "I had a bad dream, that's all." "Go on." "I feel like I'm in therapy here." She mumbled, a small smile on her lips.  
  
"Vell zen," he said, a true Freudian accent in his voice, "donut hesitate to tell me all about ze dream." She laughed. Leave it up to Mulder to make her feel so much better. "Ah-ha! There's that laugh. Come on Scully, I'm getting old and gray here." "Well.I had a dream that I was shot on a case and put into a coma, and you blamed yourself and you.Killed yourself, and I spoke at your funeral and for years after that you kept visiting me as an entity, or spirit, whichever you'd like to call it. And they assigned me a new partner and everything, and he didn't believe in anything you did, and I found myself acting like you. Trying to get him to believe me, believe in all the cases, even if they weren't true, just to spite him." "Wow, Scully. You DO believe." "It was a dream, Mulder. I wouldn't go so far as to say I believed what I was saying." "Well, it was just that Scully. A dream. I'm right here, I haven't gone anywhere, haven't shot myself. I don't plan to, anyway." "The weird part was, you died before I got the chance to say I love you." "Well, we're both glad that isn't true. I love you honeybear." "Mulder, I'm warning you." She said, a pure smile in her voice. "Ooh, I hope you're going to punish me, Scully." "Mulder." she purred, ".you better behave or I won't give you ANYTHING for another week." "But it's Thursday, tomorrow's Friday.I'd have to wait another week!" "Exactly." "Alright, I'm sorry! I love you Scully." "I love you too, Mulder. Goodnight." "'Night." She hung up the phone and smiled. Seven years of being partners and best friends. And two more years of the best sex she'd ever had in her life. It all added up to these nine years. And in a week, they where both resigning from the FBI together. They'd found all the truth they needed, and now they needed to expose it for all it was worth. She heard William stir in his sleep. After all this, they still had him. And she still had Mulder. When he'd been returned from being abducted, he'd been safe. They'd even let him back into the X-Files. Thank God they hadn't replaced him in the mean time. And in a week, well, they'd have all the time in the world. There was a knock on the door. What the hell? She groaned. Mulder. She got up and walked sleepily to the door. She opened it to be greeted by an equally sleepy Mulder. "Mulder." "Expecting someone else?" "Well, that pizza man was suppose to come over and see William." "Very funny, Scully." She stepped aside and let him in, shutting the door behind him. She locked it, and turned to look at him. "Mulder?" "Yeah?" "There's something I need to tell you, that I should have told you a long time ago." "What is it, Scully?" She smiled. "Do you remember when I asked you to father my child, and it didn't take?" He didn't smile, but nodded. "Well, do you remember that one night a while ago, before your abduction, that we slept together for the first time? How I was crying, and you came over and we drank a lot of wine, and ended up in bed together?" Now he smiled, curious as to what her point was. "Yeah, I don't think I could ever forget that, wine or no." "Well, Mulder.That was the night I got pregnant. William.William is your son." His mouth fell open. He was sure he wasn't. After all, it didn't take the first time. Then he smiled and took her in his arms. "I guess the natural way is always best, Mulder." "God Scully, why didn't you tell me before? I had a lot of thoughts of killing that pizza man." She laughed, then pulled away. "Let's go to bed, Scully. After all, we still have work tomorrow." "One more thing." "Oh no, what is it?" She smiled wide. "I'm pregnant." ~FIN~ ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~* See now? I'm just a normal shipper. You KNEW I couldn't leave Mulder dead, or Scully in a coma, didn't you? =) Well, you where RIGHT. I just couldn't do it. I HAD to have a happy ending, with a little humor mixed in. There might be a sequel, I'm not sure. But I hoped you liked this story. It was really my first time at fanfiction, let alone a twist ending. Let me know what you think! ~Madame Spooky~ 


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